|When I was around 5 years old :)|
First of all, I want to say thank you for everything that you've done for me. You may not be always there for me, physically, but you have always been there providing for my needs, for my wants, spoiling me and loving me even if we were oceans apart. I grew up fully understanding why you always need to not be around - it's for our own well being; but we never grew apart. You would send letters and recorded cassette tapes so me, and my sister, can always hear your voice, can always feel your love and will always be aware that we have a father who cares for us and loves us, unconditionally.
|Tagaytay (Mid to Late 90's)|
I remember waiting and looking up at the sky for a plane thinking you were there just watching over us. I remember waiting for Santa Claus every Christmas, even though I know it was just you and mommy, because I know you will give me what I want may it be as ridiculous as a pair of roller blades. I remember going to the men's comfort room when I was young, with my sando tucked in my panties because I can't go to the female's comfort room by myself; and knowing you're there to help me pee in comfort, I was never afraid. I remember strolling around the mall, touching every toy I see and claiming it mine without any tantrums that we never did buy anything because you taught me self-discipline at such an early age.
But I did not grow up to be a perfect good girl/daughter. I made mistakes in my life, which I wish I didn't do, but I will never regret because they made me stronger. I made some things which may have brought shame to your name but you did not forsake me. I did things, which may have brought tears in mommy's eyes and, I think, even in yours, but you still accepted and loved me anyway. I have made mistakes that hurt you and made you think that I do not care anymore; but in reality, I still do and always will.
Daddy, I am not perfect; but it doesn't mean I love you less. I love waiting at the airport and seeing your smile as we welcome you back home every single time. I love it when you, unintentionally, do your Bicolano accent and how you are okay with us making fun of it. I love it when we watch movies together as a family because it made me realize how lucky I am to still have my whole family, complete and alive. I love it when you would open the gate when I go home late because it made me feel that you still care even though I'm already 24. I love it when you told me that I was your hope and that you believe in what I do and that you would, often, check if I'm going to visit you over the weekends; because it may not show, but I always miss you.
I may not be there yet; but I will soon be. Thank you for guiding me and helping me start this journey towards my independence. I will never let you down and you will always serve as my inspiration. Again, I am not perfect; but who is, anyway? You raised me well, you made me strong and I will always love you and be there for you and mom whatever happens. I may not live there with you, anymore, but I will always, and still be, your little Anne-Gel forever.
I love you, Daddy.