Growing up in a culture that pretty much sketches how your dream should be like – graduate college, get married, lose your virginity, have kids, and all that stuff – is not easy. It’s like if you don’t get those in order, you’re set to fail. I’m happy though to have been part of the generation who will prove that to be wrong.
As a girl, I’ve been “kind of” set to follow certain rules to be called a proper lady; and as I was growing up, I’ve been judged a lot because I’m not one to live by meaningless rules that will limit me from spreading my wings. Truth be told, I have made mistakes in the past and I’m not denying nor regretting them because they’ve made me a stronger person; but fact still remains, there are still some silly rules meant to be broken just because they’re senseless, limiting, and tend to generalize things.
You need to have a kid before 30. Seriously? They’ve given me reasons such as, “so that your kid will grow to be like your friend.” – Umm… I’m raising a child not my future BFF. And I think that can still happen even when I’m much older; “so that your kid would have already graduated before you retire.” – Can I not be successful enough to afford my kid’s education even beyond my retirement age? Did you just underestimate me? “It might be hard for you to conceive a child in the future.” – Here’s the thing, my husband and I have a timeline. We are currently prioritizing work because we want to be more financially stable in the future before we decide to have a child. I know my age and I am aware of that; but if we’re not meant to have a kid, we’re not meant to have a kid. It isn’t the end goal. IT ISN’T THE ULTIMATE DREAM. Yes, I would love to have a kid someday but it is not up to the society to decide when we’ll have one. Whew.
Your husband should be giving you all the money and you’re the one who should be managing it. We manage our finances together. We are partners and we also earn separately. We have every right to decide how to save, spend, and manage our money and what works for you might not work for us. We set up a certain percentage of our income for our joint savings and the rest would be for our own personal expenses. This is what’s working for us and we have every right to do what we know is best for our relationship, especially our finances.
When I was single, the silliest things I hear from people were:
You should lose weight, else you’ll never find a man. News flash! I do not need a man. I was simply living my life, trying to reach my dreams, and if I happen to fall in love in the process, so be it. Plus, I would not want to date someone who would only fall in love with me if I’m thinner. That is just the shallowest thing I have ever heard.
You should get married at “this” age. Why would I want to get married at a certain age? Is there some kind of a law that says so? Ladies, never succumb to the society’s supposed “marrying age” because there is no such. Get married when you want and when you’re ready.
Find a man who can provide for you. As much as I would not prefer a man who’s not as ambitious I am, I also don’t like the statement of being provided by a man. I would love (and still do) to have a career of my own and be able to financially contribute to the partnership. However, do not get confused with how house wives are; for if ever, in the future, our circumstances would require me to be a full-time home maker, I wouldn’t mind. As long as we’ve got our finances well-handled, that would not be a problem. What I would like to point out is finding a provider, a man, should not be your end-goal when you’re still single. Have your own dreams, reach for your own star, and should a family come in the future, that’s when you choose whether to stay at home or still pursue your career.
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My husband and I do things differently. Even when we were just starting out, we already know our relationship won’t be the usual kind and we are constantly judged for it. Believe me, we’ve been told a gazillion times by people around us how “that’s not how things are supposed to go” or “you/he shouldn’t be doing this or that…” Yada, yada. Keep this in mind, your relationship is your relationship. People can judge how you guys do things based on their own point-of-view, but only you will know how things really are. As long as you’re physically, emotionally, and mentally happy and healthy, there is nothing wrong with how you’re doing things. It’s okay to be different. It’s totally okay to not be like other people’s #relationshipgoals.