Tuesday, September 23, 2014

The Rape Culture in All It's Glory

Image Source: Facebook.com
While I was browsing through my Facebook  I saw a post of a photo of a shirt, said to be sold at the a local department store, saying:  "It's not rape. It's a snuggle with a struggle."

According to the Facebook post, this shirt was found at the boy's clothing section of the local department store which got me thinking about one of the presentations in the Bench's Naked Truth fashion show wherein Coco Martin is holding a leash tied to a woman. Oh, dear.

To tell you quite frankly, I consider myself as someone who is open minded. We have our own choices in life and your body is your responsibility; but it's another thing when the society promotes and accepts the objectification of women. Approving the release of this shirt, specifically in the boy's clothing section is a clear indication of how some people tend to disregard the word "respect." It's like we are growing up in a society where we are taught to avoid being raped rather than don't rape.

No, I Wasn't Asking For It

Image Source: Femina.Ch
Rape is a sensitive issue for me. I believe that regardless of what your profession is or what you are wearing, people do not have the right to judge you as someone who is "asking for it.

I was on my way to Megamall to meet up with a friend. I was running a bit late so I opted to take a cab. I sat in front, I normally do this so I can always see the taxi meter better, and then the driver started talking to me. Honestly, it wasn't a big deal as I do enjoy conversing with cab drivers and learning their stories. It's often something quite interesting. However, this one driver started telling me, "gusto ko mag-ka girlfriend ng katulad mo." (I want to have a girlfriend just like you). I just smiled. And then he suddenly asked, "Pwede ko bang hawakan legs mo." (Can I touch your legs?) I said no and moved a bit farther from him but he reached out for my legs, anyway. I want to cry and jump off of the cab but I couldn't because we were along EDSA and there are busses and cars passing along and the traffic was superb so if I go off, highly likely, I'd be hit by another vehicle. He just laughed and then reached out for something and brushed his arm on my left breast after that and laughed again. When we were near Megamall he asked, "Miss, 3 hours lang. May malapit na motel dyan." (Miss, just give me 3 hours. There's a motel nearby) I was in tears that time. I shook my head and when the cab slowed down, thank you traffic light, I went down and rushed to the guard and when I was about to look back to see his plate number, he was gone. Yeah, I should have taken his plate number but that was the first time it happened to me and when he was assaulting me, I was too scared to think of anything else. Now, I've learned my lesson and I would always take the cab's plate number whenever I'm riding one.

Image Source: Beinis15.wordpress.com
But my point is... I wasn't asking for it. I was wearing shorts but with reasonable length and not the mini shorts kind of thing. I was just wearing a shirt, as well, and a pair of flats. WHERE THE HELL WAS 'ASKING FOR IT' in those clothes are? In short, rape and sexual abuse do not begin from what women wear nor from alcohol... It's because of how the society view women as and how some people respond to it, literally, through objectifying women and calling them names, which eventually leads to sexual abuse. The story I told you about was just one of the many stories women experience daily. Rape is a sensitive issue for me, not just because of this specific story, but because of something else as well that happened to me before which I do not need to write into detail in this blog post. I'm telling you this so that you know that I know the feeling and how enraged I am with sexual objectification, slut shaming, and the rape culture.

Before you throw in any smart ass humor about rape, think of all the women who have been through it and the women who will be victims because of how the rape culture is continuously being patronized by the society.

It's actually pretty tough for me to post this because I needed to share personal details so you would know where I'm coming from. But I think it's about time that I stand up and speak out.

Women do not exist for your own selfish sexual entertainment; and no, we're not and never will we ever be asking for it. And, Just like what BarakoNews.com said, "As sensitive as this issue can get, no one deserves to be raped nor abused. It's just not right."


  1. Well written. That was one scary experience you had. Next time, just sit at the back and yes, take the necessary information before boarding. It's just like driving in the urban jungle in Metro Manila. No matter how you try to be a defensive driver, other road users just don't mind.

  2. I remember you sharing this story to me, and I am glad you spoke up about this. I really hope people will listen and learn not to patronize rape culture. My girlfriend is a rape victim, so I strongly object such a culture espoused by offensive products and actions.

  3. Very brave to share your story. I was also shocked and horrified that this shirt was selling in the Boy's section. It seems lately that a person's purity is just thrown about without any consideration. We're teaching our kids how to be more sexy and easy rather than how to responsible and dignified. Thank you for your post. I found it inspiring and am also thinking to write something similar or along these lines to help spread awareness.

  4. The nerve of the driver! This is why I'm never confident about my girl-friends getting on a cab alone. I always tell them to text me the plate number of the cab they're getting on. Stay safe!

  5. I effing hate who ever printed that shirt and stupid sm for putting that on their racks I also have a post related to this before the rape culture and how the victim is more seen as one at fault thannthe culprit it sux!

  6. OMG! That was really scary!!!!! At times like that, you can't really think straight. And yes, not because we, girls, are wearing "comfortable" clothes doesn't mean that we are asking for it. That shirt only justifies how insensitive that department store is. I don't care what their reason behind selling that shirt but it seems to me that they are actually advertising, condoning the f*cking idea!

  7. OMG!!!! I never tried na sa front seat kasi mas abot ako ng driver kaya natatakot ako. I remember my mom's story dati, imagine 19 kopong kopong pa un ha, sa fx naman, nahipuan din siya ng katabi naman niya kaya yang rape dati pang issue di sa kasi mga babae ngayon ganito na magsuot blah blah esp. if like you , di naman talaga bastusin yung suot mo that time. And may lola nga narape eh -_- hay people...

    That shirt print, super not a good joke. Whew! Doble ingat sis next time. I always bring pepper spray na with me, pero super itago mo sa malls and mrt stations kasi kino confiscate.

    1. Your qualifier of "especially if di naman bastusin suot mo" is actually a reflection the idea of rape we should fight. That's essentially saying "bastos naman kasi suot mo,kaya ka nahipuan". Even if you are practically naked, NOBODY has the right to violate your body. That's what Gellie was saying about girls "not asking for it" whatever it is they are wearing.

  8. Never sit beside the driver. Be nice but NEVER let them think they are on the same level as you. Those bastard taxi drivers.

  9. As for the Bench Fashion Show and Coco Martin holding a girl on a leash, well... that's kind of hot IF seen in a different context. In the bedroom, and if you are into BDSM, you are conscious that it is just role play. However, showing it in a fashion show is a different matter altogether, to me showing it like that does not have appeal. It only ended up reinforcing oppressive societal views on women.

  10. Very Informative page, I hope it will be useful for all of us. Thanks for sharing it with us

  11. Couldn't have said it better myself. Society is sometimes so oblivious to the rape culture messages they're giving and women are left to be victims of it.


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