"They tell us from the time we're young to hide the things that we don't like about ourselves."
I wasn't girly when I was younger. I don't think there is anything wrong with my interests but one of the reasons why I was just not interested in being girly is because I think I wasn't pretty enough to be a girl. I did love my video games before, inline skating, my sneakers, pants and shirts, but there's also this little girl inside of me who wants to wear dresses, put a lipstick on, learn how to fix my hair, but I was scared to not look good as a girl. And so I hid behind that boyish facade for quite some time.
I remember joining an online gaming forum and the first time I posted a photo of myself, someone actually told me that I looked like the Mark Henry's sister. If you know WWE, you'll know him. Yes, I was and I still am plus-size but that really pushed my confidence off of my system. I felt really ugly.
Come college, my classmates introduced me to makeup. I would have to admit that I used to suck at it big time. Imagine electric blue eye shadow on me, pink lips, and straight bangs. I wore chokers, and big headbands. This time, I hid behind trying to be like a doll. I experimented with ganguro, harajuku, and the likes. I hid my real self from the world because the world said I was ugly and I believed it.
|Cardigan: Gifted | Top: Nicky | Skirt: Kisses & Co. | Necklace: The Plump Pinay|
But after graduating from college, I began searching for myself... My real self. I needed to so that I could know which path I should be taking. I needed to know myself more and with that, I needed to learn how to love and appreciate myself as well. My first job entailed me to live the expensive Ortigas lifestyle. That just wasn't me. In my second job, that's when I start realizing what I'm supposed to be doing because I found myself in it. I began appreciating how talented I am, how good I am at work, and what my passion really is.
That's when it hit me... The society says I'm not pretty enough, but I say, "I am beautiful, talented, and I will live my life the way I know it should be lived and I will not be influenced by other people just because I wanted a life and face like theirs." I learned and appreciated my own beauty, and I wouldn't want to be anyone else but me. Where I am right now is the product of how I accepted and loved myself in the past.
I've had my fair shares of struggles along the way and I know a lot of you had or may still be having that journey to self-acceptance. My advice would be, take it slow and learn to appreciate and love yourself for who you are and what you can do. You can only find real happiness, peace, and be with the people who would genuinely love you for who you are once you've learned how to love and appreciate your own value.
Chin up, and just keep moving forward. Don't mind what they're saying. They don't matter. It's your life so live it the way you think it should be lived.