I was, what they would call, an almost beautiful.
You don’t know how many times I’ve heard from so-called friends and random people that I could be beautiful… But I am fat. If only I would lose a couple more pounds I’d be more beautiful. If only I can fit in those tight jeans and shirt, then maybe I’d finally be sexy. If only.
There was a point when it did get to me. I pushed myself to lose weight. And when people saw me eating less they’d be like, “it won’t last long. You won’t lose weight. You can’t make it.” And so I showed them. I lost weight. I lost a lot of weight. But to my surprise, I never felt happy. I never felt beautiful. I never felt sexy. I felt lacking. It was like I’m trying to please other people but I never stopped to ask, “What do I want? What does my body want?”
Growing up as a plussize girl isn’t a walk in a park. Hell, we don’t even want to walk in a park because the other kids would laugh at us. It was, and still at times, a struggle for me. Wearing something sleeveless would often turn a head and wearing a swimwear for the summer would generate some giggles. It’s like some people think us, plussize girls, do not have the license to feel beautiful and feel sexy.
|Dress: Love Curves | Shoes: Nicky | Bag: Liz Claiborne|
It kind of got me thinking though as to why do some people equate being fat to being ugly? I have never read a legitimate dictionary that described or even said that fat is synonymous to ugly; or that fatness is a hindrance to being truly beautiful. It just doesn’t make sense. And if you will look up the word sexy in the dictionary, it doesn’t also give a specific vital statistics that would ultimately define what kind of body is sexy. So that means… Being beautiful and being sexy is all in our mind and is just based on our own perspectives. So if I think I’m beautiful and sexy and would like to say that out loud, you cannot legitimately contest because I am, technically, right.
At this day and age, we should already be over body shaming (this goes both ways – fat, thin, etc.). We are not born nor meant to have the same body types. We also have different lifestyles and upbringings that make us who we are and do what we need to do in this world.
Beauty is diverse. Beauty is not just one color nor one body type. Beauty is in each of us. We just need to own it.