OOTD: Going Back to Square One

Growing up, I needed to boost my confidence on my own or else my insecurities would eat me up. It hasn’t been an easy journey up to now. I keep talking about body love and confidence, but lately, I have let my insecurities get to me. It wasn’t easy to accept at first, to be honest. That is why it has really been awhile since I last posted something here. I felt shitty about everything and whenever I looked in the mirror, all I see is this fat and ugly hypocrite who will never be able to love her body ever.

Of course, that needed to change.

Acceptance was the first step. I have accepted the fact that I was doing something wrong. And that if I genuinely love my body, I will not let all “these” get to me. I’m not perfect though. There would still be times when I would get anxious and all those. But at least now I’m more aware.

After accepting the fact that I’m doing something wrong, I needed to come up with a game plan that would help me recover from this. I’m glad that I have a support group that encourages me to be better and be healthier. They also constantly remind me about my eating habits and such. Eat a little, take it one step at a time, don’t overdo it, etc. They know just the right words to say to help me out.

Dress: H&M | Cardigan: Bazaar-bought | Shoes: Payless

But of course, it all boils down to how accepting I am of the changes and of my current situation. Again, I still don’t feel “that” beautiful yet. It’s a constant battle, but I’m trying and giving my best. I always try to tell myself over and over again, “You need to be healthy. Not thin, just healthy.” The good habits I’ve incorporated though through this whole process are: (1) I don’t drink sodas or any sugary drinks anymore, (2) I don’t eat fast food that much (like just once every other week), (3) I’ve been drinking more water than before. I try to keep myself hydrated, and (3) I’ve been doing mini work-outs everyday in the morning and when I get back from work.

I couldn’t face the people who kept telling me how “inspiring” I was because of my confidence. I feel like I’ve failed them big time because of what I did. But they also need to know that, as much as my past experiences have truly been inspiring, I am still not perfect. I will fall and make mistakes as long as I am alive. I am sorry if you’ve ever thought of me as someone who is perfectly in control of herself, because I’m not. But the good thing here is that I’m constantly fighting to always become better.

Let’s all help each other out. Things will never be perfect, but we must not forget that we need to learn how to love and take care of ourselves and rise above all the superficiality that will pull us down.

We are all beautiful. Period.